Our learning goals are to:
-write a description, using powerful words and phrases
-include some Te Reo Māori
-carefully check that our sentences make sense and have correct punctuation and spelling.
The Creepy Castle
I'm on a secret mission off to go into an abandoned
castle. I went into the castle and it was creepy .
castle. I went into the castle and it was creepy .
The ponio was playing and the fire was still going but
it was cold. But then I heard footsteps. I looked
behind me, there was a shadow and it looked like a
person. The shadow jumped from wall to wall. I was
scared so I tried to hide. There was a person and
she was hiding from the shadow.
it was cold. But then I heard footsteps. I looked
behind me, there was a shadow and it looked like a
person. The shadow jumped from wall to wall. I was
scared so I tried to hide. There was a person and
she was hiding from the shadow.
I think the castle was made thousands of years ago. Then there was a BIG ThUMP. I opened the door and got out. I skated across the floor and went up the stairs. I peeked around the corner. Then I found a knife which was (whero red). The knife was ancient . It looked like it was expensive. All of a sudden slimy, gooey, toxic slime fell from the ceiling. The walls were black. There was kiore (rats) everywhere. It was disgusting.
Suddenly an alien emerged out of the slime on the wall and he had a laser gun . I dashed out and the alien followed me. There was a wall. It was made out of concrete. Some was falling off and then the alien found me...
Kia ora Ayah
ReplyDeleteWell done on this piece of writing I could see that you put lots of effort into thinking about adding some description and interesting words.
I agree with your buddy that your next step is to keep working on improving your spelling and punctuation as this is what you mainly needed some support with.
It was great to see you using some Te Reo Māori and using interesting phrases like, ‘skated across the floor.’
Ka pai tō tuhituhi.
Thank you for the comment Miss Ireland.
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